(At TJ Maxx)
J: If we start pulling all these pillows out we could have a fort. Should I start ?
Dad: Kate, where do you keep the iron?
K: Spare room closet.
Dad: I looked, but I didn’t…
K: Second shelf
Dad: Are you sure? Because…
K: SECOND SHELF
Dad: Oh, yup, there it is
Mom: Katelyn, there’s a hole in this wash cloth. Or is it a burn mark?
K: WHAT? Those are brand new Kate Spade towels
Mom: Oh wait maybe it’s a symbol. Oh! It’s a spade for Kate Spade! How adorable.
K: OMG everyone is moving out tomorrow, and I am going back to living alone for the rest of my life with Abby.
(Listening to the radio)
J: “Thank you for calling the whine line, this is Simple Plan, what do you want to tell me about your dad?”
(Going over the Erie County election ballot the night before the election)
J: “where does it say spring fling queen?”
J: Is Voledemort asexual? I heard you’re asexual if you don’t have a nose. I mean Harry’s at least with girls like the one who drowned in the pool and comes back in the tub or whatever…
K: Moaning Myrtle?!
J: Yeah, whatever, I’m just saying you at least see Harry with girls, but you said she [Dolores Umbridge] doesn’t get with Voldemort, and I never see Voldemort with any girls or anyone so I was thinking maybe he was asexual.
K: Why are you talking about him being asexual? Have you been reading the news? What news have you been reading?
J: Why are they fighting?
K: Harry’s upset because he’s wearing the locket
J: There’s some weird lord of the rings shit going on
K: This is not lord of the rings! The locket is a horcrux!
J: A hor-what? The ring makes people crazy. The necklace makes people crazy. Same thing, boo.
(asking for an opinion on a baby gift for a friend)
K: Do you think this is too femme for a baby boy?
J: it’s as gay as Liberace
K: What? Why?!
J: It has EARS!
K: Okay, a lot of baby things have ears. You may as well start getting used to it
J: That’s fine, but the baby has ears. His clothes don’t need ears. I have ears, and my clothes don’t have ears.
K: You aren’t a baby!
J: Yeah, it’s the same thing though, boo.